Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Relationships

Last night I went to a chat I use to go. I usually don’t find like minded  people to talk in brazilian chats.

I spend months without going to any chat room but then I have a chat phase again, which I’m going through right now.

In Brazil or abroad, in a thousand guys I chatted I found like four worth talking to.

With those I manage to keep a virtual friendship.

It’s nice to come back with your nick and having someone asking about something you mentioned two weeks ago, and asking about the job interview one had, or about the holiday trip one took, etc.

I’m also amazed that I can find those so interesting people online.

So that’s why I keep this, even having to  dribble all the perverts and not like minded people.

It’s still worth because of the nice ones I’ve found.

Last night I found a married guy asking for counseling.

At first I thought it was some joke, but then he started exposing the facts in such an articulate manner and I knew this was serious.

It was a very delicate matter and he needed to get someone else opinion about it.

I have never been married but I cultivate a compassionate and respectful look to the people I find, in real or online. And I think that’s the key to help anyone with their issues. Of course knowing about someone else experience may help. But every people is different and situations are never exactly the same because of that.

And whenever my opinion is asked by someone I try to make the person find the best answer within herself, which I believe is always the best answer.

I think that’s the point of therapy also. Being able to find the answers by yourself.

I was able to chat with him for a while but then the website had connection issues and we lost each other. I hope he doesn’t think I left him because I was bored or so. Anyway, I’m just a stranger for him.

That made me think of the advantages and disadvantages of being alone or in a relationship.

I think that people that are in a relationship get more stimulated to achieve greater things, like a nice house, planning a trip together. It’s much easier to make that kind of thing happen when you have a partner. Also they support each other in many different ways and that gives a sense of security.

People like me who live alone go for things they can do alone. I’d love to live in a house with a backyard and have pets and a garden. But I could never feel safe at night alone in a place like that, so I don’t even consider that. And I bought myself a small apartment, since crime rate is a big issue in Brazil.

Also I like to travel but this year I have to recover my financial situation that got tight after I bought this apartment. So I have to wait things to get on track again financially. Anyway, when I think about traveling I think of places I can go alone and have nice places to go sightseeing. I have been to New York once and that is a great place to visit, specially for people like me. And I can think of other places like that where I can go, but I’m always considering going alone. I have my sisters and friends but I can’t count that we’ll be able to go on vacation at the same time or they want to go to the same place I want to.

I think considering the practical matters, people in a relationship have a great advantage.

However, being alone gave me a strong reference of myself as individual. The issues of living alone are always the same and it gets easier as time passes by to deal with them. It gives me the strength I need when facing issues of any nature. It also gave me more time to dedicate to my spirituality.

Considering people I know and also this strange man that asked my opinion last night,  I think that maybe it’s more difficult for those who spent their whole lives in a relationship to face serious issues that arise between them and their partners, than for those who had, at some point in their lives,  spent some time alone to strengthen themselves as individuals.

Anyway, it’s never easy or simple as it may seem  from outside for anyone.

Attraction

I found this picture in a brazilian blog.
It comes with a text I agree almost completely.
The author begins showing her disappointment when she found out that José Saramago is married to a woman who is 4 decades younger than him and also beautiful.
She expected him to be married to an older lady.
Disappointed but not surprised, she continues saying that besides being a great writer, he is also a man, and men prefer young beautiful women.
Pilar, Saramago’s wife, is also an interesting woman, according to the author.
I agree when she says this behavior of men is instinctive and can’t be condemned.
And we women also have attraction by the physical attributes of men, but what we listen comes before what we see.
It means, if the guy says the right thing he will take it, no matter how he lacks physical attributes.
No doubt about it. We tend to be less superficial and treat physical attributes superficially, and not as reasons to invest in a relationship.
I wouldn’t dare to translate the whole text here, but I don’t think this behavior is unanimous anymore.
There are a few points out of the graphic curve, who still need and search for physical attributes but also consider what comes inside the package. I personally know a few, very few, it’s true….
I personally think that we women need a better attitude about this facts.
We don’t have to worry about looking like girls in the magazines. Everyone has a personal looks scale from worst to best look [I’m not considering plastic surgery]. If it feels like looking better, do it, but first of all to please your own.
And if someone says he finds you attractive, believe it, accept it. Don’t spoil everything talking about what you dislike about yourself. Attraction is very personal. What pleases one may be totally unpleasant for someone else.
Don’t dislike anything. If you’d feel better and there’s an improvement available, do it. But don’t expect becoming a better person. And don’t forget what comes inside.

En Passant

There are many people who I talk to on a daily basis and have a friendly relationship. And there are very few people that I’m very close to and trust them completely. And there are still those people who I’d love to get closer but they are not open to it. I never insist. I see that insisting is a common behavior of some friends of mine and also other people.

I find it an endless amusement getting to know more and more about reserved interesting people. Specially when they are the ones to reveal something spontaneously.

 I’m not talking about personal details like who is dating who or other things like that. It’s about their very essence.

The more reserved those people are the more interesting they become to me. Some may find it a lack of interest that I don’t insist on knowing more. I have already been told of people who got closer because one of the parts was the insisting type, always asking questions, inviting, sharing personal matters. I’m just not like that. I mean, I make the social talking like everybody else. I congratulate when something good happens to someone I know. I express my feelings if something sad happens. I just don’t cross this social limit if I feel the person is not open to it.

A great irony is that It always happens to me getting to know things by hearing “en passant”, like two other people talking next to me, details I observe, what makes me connect things. I keep it all for me, of course, I’m not a gossiper.  I was wondering: if I become the type that asks many questions and tries to approach more will it stop happening? I don’t know. Maybe it’s my secret interest that “attracts” it.

All I know is it’s happened uncountable times to me.