Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

Wish

I wish everyone in the world could have at least one close friend whom to call and just say:

“Hi, it’s me.”

I do. God bless them.

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Quote Of The Night

“So, my friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love,

hoping that you’ll always carry my smile with you,

for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.”

Positive Balance

Well, I think in some situations I just have to stop analyzing  things like I do.

Like yesterday, what made me feel weak were the thoughts I had about my feelings, not the feelings themselves.

So, if I just feel and stop thinking about it, eliminate all those WHYs and HOWs, I can deal with it better.

At the end, I had a positive balance: 8 more hangers for my wardrobe [ I was in need of them 🙂 ], a ride home and

pleasant moments talking to someone I like very much.

Very positive.

Love, Friendship and Emptiness

I think we all have this empty place inside that need and can only be filled with love.
That need that is more evident in the moments of solitude.
Some can deal better with it, not denying, but recognizing its existence and facing it, continuing on their way, doing their things, until the love they need can be found.

Others just can’t face it and can’t stay alone and they start relationships with anyone that appears in their lives, so they don’t have to deal with that need or think and learn about it and themselves.
So love is a positive feeling that comes from this need, which is somehow negative in itself.

The ones who can deal and face that need, spending some time alone learning about themselves, usually become more prepared to be in a love relationship. They search for that love that comes with affinity and erotism.
They face loneliness and need, refusing to be in an empty relationship.

It’s difficult to find someone who you have affinity with and also feel sexually attracted for. But it’s possible. And I think that’s the best to search for. That’s the big deal. And if there is something that big, I want it for me too, it’s natural.

Friendship is often treated as a minor relationship and Love as the big thing to be found.
But friendship is also great, something spontaneous and based exclusively in affinity. It doesn’t come from that place inside we need to fill.
It can be wonderful but it doesn’t change and has nothing to do with that need.

When we have affinity and friendship with someone we can spend hours talking silly and funny things with that person and think it’s wonderful. It would be torture beside someone else without any affinity. Also friendship is not exclusive as love. We can have more than one friend, though it’s not easy finding true friendship nowadays.

With all these things I believe, I keep taking my steps in life, knowing that everything that happens is for the best, even when they don’t feel so.

And They Have Crossed The Ocean!

Thanks, my dear friend!

A very happy Christmas for you and all your loved ones!

Thanks to the blogosphere we got in touch. I’m glad we keep contact.

My best wishes for you.

Open Letter to a Secret Friend

It’s been a long time I know you now.
My feelings for you remain unchanged…just the way I feel and think about them is different.
It has been happy and hopeful, then it became frustrating and sad for a while.
The time we’ve been away from each other, I worked on keeping it light.
I’m done with the negative feelings that came from it. It doesn’t feel bad anymore.
You’re just here like me trying to do your best and be happy.
You’re a fantastic person and will always be…I’m sure.
I don’t have to hate you to get over it.
I have to deal with it myself and I know I can.
But it takes some time to heal completely.
You know, I twisted my ankles uncountable times.
It takes some time to recover but it always get good again.
Sometimes, while healing, I think I’m already good but then on a different move it still hurts.
It’s the same about you.
When you were away it felt like I could be just your friend and not be affected by your presence,
and that it could slowly replace the feelings I have for you.
Now we talked again so closely I’m not so sure I can handle this friend thing well.
I mean, not yet.
But I’m doing my best, really.
I wanted to tell you that I’m working on it and how it feels, but I couldn’t.
Like always you made everything around me stop.
And I melted by the things you’ve said. You’ve hit it right on the spot. As always.

Boundaries

I have a few friends who know me pretty well and with whom I can share very personal stuff.

Though, there are a few matters that reached their highest point of sharing. It means it’s no helpful at all getting someone else’s opinion anymore or even some relief in sharing them.

No one can live my life for me or be responsible for my actions. 
Even though these things still matter and affect me a lot, I decided not to share anything new that happens related to them anymore.

It’s funny that I woke up with this decision in mind and something happened twice today: the mute phone calls. It’s happened very often in the last months. I know, it could be anybody, a child playing tricks on me, many different people playing tricks on me, I don’t know since I still don’t have a number identifier 😦 . I can get a number identifier very easily but the question is : why does it keep me wondering? Who I’d like to be the one calling? Why do I think it could be this person and why would it please me? I know, and that’s all I can get to know.

I’ve gotta find the answers myself. If something happens and affects me, what I have to ask is not why someone did this or that, but why and how it affects me if it does. I don’t have to look for meanings hidden in an action but why do I think there are hidden meanings behind some action and why do I wanna know. “What can I do about it?” instead of “why did it happen?”.

There are things I’d like to know and I cannot ask. There are things I’d like them to happen in a certain way and I can’t do anything right now. At least I wanna know my own answers.

Someone else might ask…

Isolation

I am definitely not the kind of person born to live in complete isolation. By complete isolation I mean not seeing anybody in a long while.

Of course I need my moments of solitude and privacy, when I reflect about life [ maybe more than I should ] and practice meditation or simply relax.

These moments of solitude have always been precious for me all my life because I’ve always had a routine full of contact with other people. In the last weeks it has been the opposite.

I’m having a routine of total isolation, working home office during the day [due to poor management and stupid rules at the company, I don’t have a steady place to work at the office for a while],  and having my sister with me in the week day nights. Most of these days she is the only person I see all day long.  I got to my limit of isolation.

I have few but wonderful friends and fortunately I have people to share stuff. They visit me, we talk on the phone or MSN. That’s not what I miss.

I miss people noise and movement. Human contact. Anybody.

Yesterday I went to the manicure after work and I was finding everybody I saw on my way beautiful :). Everything looked nice to me.

Tonight I went out for dinner with a couple of friends. I told them I couldn’t stay one minute more without seeing people. We passed by many places before we finally decided where to stop. I know this couple since I was in the university and I like them very much but what was really amusing me was seeing all those people around. He is been in a situation very similar to mine. He’s looking for another job and spend the days at home looking for another job, sending his resumé on the internet, while she goes to the office. He is feeling very lonely during the day too. He doesn’t like the word unemployed and he says he is “between jobs”.

One thing I find positive in all of it is that I don’t identify myself with the complete isolation and I’m doing my best to get out of it.

One sad thing is that in those moments I think of someone who got away from me and see how my will of getting closer is so strong but I don’t see the way back anymore.

I don’t see this couple I met today very often but I decided to invite them to go out.  It would be okay if they couldn’t or didn’t feel like. They are people I can always contact, the way between us is still there.

It’s very hard and sad when you think about making a contact to someone and then see the way between you two is not there anymore and the door is closed. I accept, I respect, but it hurts.

No, I’m not in a self-pity moment. That’s just the way life is.

Perceptions and Reality

Like everybody else, I create an image of people I know based on my perceptions, which is limited to what they say and do.

I’ve learned through my life experience that this image I create is not the reality of the person. It doesn’t change or affect this reality. Also how others perceive me doesn’t change or affect my own reality.

We tend to make conclusions about others but it doesn’t have any effect on how things really are.

Anyway, I’ve known many people in all these years and now I only socialize regularly with around 20 people at most. If I consider the ones I feel comfortable to share personal matters it falls to less than 10 people, including family.

I have a friend…I guess I can consider him like this…that I know for 2 years now. I’ve had special feelings for him all this time but nothing has ever happened between us. Though, in many occasions in all this time we know each other, he has said or done things that I perceived like he had special feelings for me too. In fact, those occasions were alternated with other with total distance and without showing any interest for me.

What I feel for him hasn’t changed. I could see it when we met recently. I make an effort to treat him as a normal friend but he is more than that for me.

As he is an easy going guy and has never invited me out or something like this, I never felt encouraged to make an approach. Then many things happened, there was another guy that invited me out a few times and I could just conclude: that’s what guys do when they are interested, right? 

Maybe…

I never force approaches with anyone. I stay as close as people allow me, if I also feel like of course.

I’ve never overcome it but it doesn’t cause me any problem anymore, I’ve learned how to deal with it. Though, I never felt like giving up on it completely. It’s something I just put aside to move on with my life. Despite of whatever future may still bring for it, I try not to make any conclusions about how and why he did or said things, since I don’t know his reality…and I’ll probably never know.

Fighting for it or fighting hope?

Today a friend e-mailed me telling how she got her heart in a thousand pieces after running across her ex-boyfriend at a restaurant. She said he was polite and nice but she knew for sure there’s no way back with him.

I answered her e-mail telling her that I wish she can overcome it soon. I told her to remember all good things she lived in life before she even knew he existed and that there’s always good things to come in life. I know that expressing what she feels, writing about it, it’s much more helpful than any advice someone could give her.

Then I started thinking about my own situation, which I haven’t overcome. I’m not even trying indeed. I just got used to it.  Also, I’m not in pain about it like my friend. Why? Because there’s a tiny little hope still alive. And I think it’s much easier, no matter how painful, to overcome anything when you don’t have any more hope. At least for me it is. Even a remote hope can make me think there’s still something to fight for.

I know this friend for many years now. We were co-workers a few years ago and now I sometimes visit her but we communicate most on the phone and through e-mails. We remain very close, always supporting each other. Today she helped me much more than she could wonder and that I wish I could help her. She made me see what doesn’t allow me to overcome: hope.

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