Ugly Lady 44

Today I entered an online chat, for the first time in many months.

It’s something I do occasionally, and it is my first relaxing weekend in many weeks, since I did all my cleaning during the past week after work.

The nick I chose: Ugly Lady, 44.

In 5 min I had over 30 requests to chat. I don’t know how much the “SweetAndSexy” or other cute and sexy nicks get, but Ugly Lady was rocking.

If many women just knew, how simple, basic men are, they would stop spending hours wondering “how he feels”. Really, men don’t waste long hours thinking about how they feel.

So just enjoy and try a more basic and simple approach with men to see how things flow easier. Focus on what you have, what you’re giving and what you want.

 

 

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Jealousy

 

Jealousy is usually triggered by what the person considers a threaten of loss.

It’s a feeling of abandonment due to the partner’s attention being given to someone else.

The threaten may or may not be realistic as the person feels that.

Most of people I know confront their partners with questions and forbid them to do things.

Everybody feels that at a certain level.

I wouldn’t confront a partner about things that made me jealous.

I don’t think that’s the smart thing to do.

What the jealous person really wants cannot be achieved through forbidding the partner to do certain things.

What the jealous person really wants is the partner to stop wanting to do certain things.  And that doesn’t come through forbidden actions.

The partner may respond to the claim and stop doing but what if the partner still wants to do?

He will probably not share his feelings to avoid problems.

We can’t stop someone else desires just by wishing that no matter what.

All I know is that if I had a suspicion, not a real undeniable fact, I’d not confront my partner.

I’d instead analyze carefully how is the communication in the relationship.

What stopped working that worked well before? And would mostly analyze my actions first.

Would find out what in myself triggered the jealousy feeling.

If there’s a problem in the communication it must be resolved between the couple, at their perspective as a couple.

Not from a suspicious or third part perspective.

Nothing can be resolved on the outside or with someone else if it’s not resolved within us before.

 

 

 

Unresolved Feelings

Denying unresolved feelings for other person is getting them swept under the carpet.

It’s necessary to feel it to the deepest to know what is felt.

I’ve been dealing with unresolved feelings for like 3 years.

It’s not an easy thing. And as time goes by, the communication chances to clarify things with the other person disappeared in the past and I see myself with this huge thing to deal inside me.

A long time has gone and sometimes I feel the other side may have unresolved feelings for me too. But I know this sensation may be a product of how I feel. I’ve lost the capacity to distinguish between what I see and what I wanna see about this.

This feeling, resolved or not, is important to me. It’s strong and lasting, and not because it’s unresolved.

And how do I get to know it’s still strong and lasting?

Because he is someone I see regularly and meet in social occasions where I’m supposed to act friendly and socially with him. And at those times it becomes more evident how I feel.

When you just meet someone and an interest on the person starts it’s easier to deal with it. Because even you are not so aware of how you feel and you end up showing it a little bit on what you say or do without caring much of consequences. And if the other side is interested too, things flow naturally.

After a long time, when you know very well how you feel, it can be really uncomfortable. There is no option between faking a friendly attitude or opening yourself up and possibly causing a huge embarrassment and discomfort for the other side too. It’s not that he is not a friend. He is. And a good one. But I can’t be his friend sincerely while having all these feelings for him as a man.I’m not able to naturally start conversation and make spontaneous contacts like I do with other male friends just because it wouldn’t feel natural for me. I think he notices I don’t feel natural beside him. Just don’t know if he has a clue of why it is.

I can’t believe I put this in words. And without professional help 🙂  [not yet]. Big step. So relieving. Better late than never.