Archive for April, 2011

Indifference

We all make mistakes. And we  can’t have full control of how what we say may harm someone else.

Good and bad people make mistakes. The difference is that good people don’t plan to harm anyone and usually care about the consequences of their acts.

What harms most is not the act itself but the lack of consideration.

Sometimes is not possible to repair but real good people demonstrate some concern about that or try to offer some compensation.

Even the people that are close to us,  like friends and family,  can harm us in different forms. We overcome much easier when we know that those people care about what they do and come to us to fix the situation, one way or another.

But in some cases you may have someone in great consideration and find out the worst way that the person doesn’t really consider you as you might have thought.  And then, at least for me, it’s not possible to repair anything. For me that person becomes a turned page in the book of life. Forever.

I have a friend who says “The worst you can give to someone who has harmed you in the past is indifference”.

I am not so sure about that, specially because if someone didn’t care enough of you to harm you in the past, that person will probably not care at all about your feelings or indifference now.

I prefer looking at that in the reverse way.

For me, the best thing I can feel in such cases is indifference.

Not indifference as something to give back as a revenge, but genuine and spontaneous indifference that comes when  by any chance you get in touch with that person again. The one that comes to you as natural as breathing.

That is the real sign of overcoming the situation. When you feel that for having any friendly contact with that person you would have to fake it really hard if necessary.

The real indifference is the absence of any feeling or emotional attachment to that person or the situation in the past.

I think it’s a great thing because it means that any negative feelings like anger or disappointment have gone. It’s not a negative or positive feeling for me, but neutral.

That is the big deal for me and not how or if the other person will one day ever notice my indifference.

Relationships

Last night I went to a chat I use to go. I usually don’t find like minded  people to talk in brazilian chats.

I spend months without going to any chat room but then I have a chat phase again, which I’m going through right now.

In Brazil or abroad, in a thousand guys I chatted I found like four worth talking to.

With those I manage to keep a virtual friendship.

It’s nice to come back with your nick and having someone asking about something you mentioned two weeks ago, and asking about the job interview one had, or about the holiday trip one took, etc.

I’m also amazed that I can find those so interesting people online.

So that’s why I keep this, even having to  dribble all the perverts and not like minded people.

It’s still worth because of the nice ones I’ve found.

Last night I found a married guy asking for counseling.

At first I thought it was some joke, but then he started exposing the facts in such an articulate manner and I knew this was serious.

It was a very delicate matter and he needed to get someone else opinion about it.

I have never been married but I cultivate a compassionate and respectful look to the people I find, in real or online. And I think that’s the key to help anyone with their issues. Of course knowing about someone else experience may help. But every people is different and situations are never exactly the same because of that.

And whenever my opinion is asked by someone I try to make the person find the best answer within herself, which I believe is always the best answer.

I think that’s the point of therapy also. Being able to find the answers by yourself.

I was able to chat with him for a while but then the website had connection issues and we lost each other. I hope he doesn’t think I left him because I was bored or so. Anyway, I’m just a stranger for him.

That made me think of the advantages and disadvantages of being alone or in a relationship.

I think that people that are in a relationship get more stimulated to achieve greater things, like a nice house, planning a trip together. It’s much easier to make that kind of thing happen when you have a partner. Also they support each other in many different ways and that gives a sense of security.

People like me who live alone go for things they can do alone. I’d love to live in a house with a backyard and have pets and a garden. But I could never feel safe at night alone in a place like that, so I don’t even consider that. And I bought myself a small apartment, since crime rate is a big issue in Brazil.

Also I like to travel but this year I have to recover my financial situation that got tight after I bought this apartment. So I have to wait things to get on track again financially. Anyway, when I think about traveling I think of places I can go alone and have nice places to go sightseeing. I have been to New York once and that is a great place to visit, specially for people like me. And I can think of other places like that where I can go, but I’m always considering going alone. I have my sisters and friends but I can’t count that we’ll be able to go on vacation at the same time or they want to go to the same place I want to.

I think considering the practical matters, people in a relationship have a great advantage.

However, being alone gave me a strong reference of myself as individual. The issues of living alone are always the same and it gets easier as time passes by to deal with them. It gives me the strength I need when facing issues of any nature. It also gave me more time to dedicate to my spirituality.

Considering people I know and also this strange man that asked my opinion last night,  I think that maybe it’s more difficult for those who spent their whole lives in a relationship to face serious issues that arise between them and their partners, than for those who had, at some point in their lives,  spent some time alone to strengthen themselves as individuals.

Anyway, it’s never easy or simple as it may seem  from outside for anyone.

After the storm…

They reached my doormat…

…and the balcony

But then…

!!!