Reflections on pain

Sometimes people say  “Don’t do it anymore or don’t go there again, it will hurt even more”.

But when it hurts so much you can only be there once.

Nothing can make you be there twice…not for the same reason…or make it hurt you more, no matter what you do or where you go.

It’s not possible. It’s like getting one of those diseases you can only catch once.

Once it heals you are still vulnerable to other diseases. Except that one.

From Afar

The Universe always conspires in my favor. Even in small things.

It’s this or the fact I do believe in it that  makes things better.

I’ve been away from the office for 45 days now. I only don’t quit this job because there’s a huge difference between the money I’ll get if I do and if they do it for me. Anyway, fortunately I still like what I do, despite of the policy of the company and people who make an extra effort [and succeed] to create a bad environment. So I can handle it for how long it takes the way it is. But I already have my plans for when it happens.

And this time away has really helped me to put myself together. I feel different now. Those things can’t affect me anymore the way they were doing.

First the guy I had to go to the office  to talk with everyday [my mentor] got on vacation. So I took this chance to work from home while he was away. Then the HR department told me I had to take 10 days off and had no option. So I did. Today is the last day off. And I feel great. There are so many things to care about outside the office, so many things to appreciate but sometimes I seem to forget it.

When I have a problem without an immediate solution I think it over, think about my possibilities and that’s it. I’m patient enough to wait things to get in their way. So I tend to avoid bringing up the subject and also get away from people who might bring up something related to that in a conversation. With people that are close to me it’s not necessary. I just have to say the subject is closed for discussion. Other ones I just get away from for a while. Fortunately I know many other people not related to my problems at all. And I’ve been with them this time. It took my focus to other things more important. Now I can go back to the same situation with a different perspective.

If things can’t change I can always feel different about them. And better.