Unresolved Feelings

Denying unresolved feelings for other person is getting them swept under the carpet.

It’s necessary to feel it to the deepest to know what is felt.

I’ve been dealing with unresolved feelings for like 3 years.

It’s not an easy thing. And as time goes by, the communication chances to clarify things with the other person disappeared in the past and I see myself with this huge thing to deal inside me.

A long time has gone and sometimes I feel the other side may have unresolved feelings for me too. But I know this sensation may be a product of how I feel. I’ve lost the capacity to distinguish between what I see and what I wanna see about this.

This feeling, resolved or not, is important to me. It’s strong and lasting, and not because it’s unresolved.

And how do I get to know it’s still strong and lasting?

Because he is someone I see regularly and meet in social occasions where I’m supposed to act friendly and socially with him. And at those times it becomes more evident how I feel.

When you just meet someone and an interest on the person starts it’s easier to deal with it. Because even you are not so aware of how you feel and you end up showing it a little bit on what you say or do without caring much of consequences. And if the other side is interested too, things flow naturally.

After a long time, when you know very well how you feel, it can be really uncomfortable. There is no option between faking a friendly attitude or opening yourself up and possibly causing a huge embarrassment and discomfort for the other side too. It’s not that he is not a friend. He is. And a good one. But I can’t be his friend sincerely while having all these feelings for him as a man.I’m not able to naturally start conversation and make spontaneous contacts like I do with other male friends just because it wouldn’t feel natural for me. I think he notices I don’t feel natural beside him. Just don’t know if he has a clue of why it is.

I can’t believe I put this in words. And without professional help 🙂  [not yet]. Big step. So relieving. Better late than never.

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