My mother got married at 33 and by that time, she was considered a spinster.
She worked and paid her rent and all expenses. She had even managed to buy a building lot by the time she met my father. She told us [me and my 2 sisters] that she was resigned with the idea of remaining single and didn’t care at all. Then she met my father, who was already up in his 40’s, and they matched so much. They love each other and are very happy until these days. I love seeing how they care of each other. They’ve had their arguments but none have ever offended each other.
Anyway, my mother always told us that the most important was becoming financially independent and it should come above all things. And that marriage shouldn’t come along with financial dependency, that we should study and all those things related.
I soon discovered my mother was different from most of the mothers of my friends, who seemed to give them advise in order to find a good husband and having a family, telling them to look for a man with a future.
I don’t know about other countries but here in Brazil it’s very difficult for a woman having both: a family and financial independency. There are many couples where both work, but the ones where the wife’s income is more than enough to pay the manicure are exceptions. Most of men I know don’t like independent women. I think they have a preconceived idea that we are bossy or something like that. Well, I’m not 🙂 …at all.
I felt that, when I came to my 30’s, my mother hesitated a little and started asking herself if she did it right, kind of blaming herself because I remained single, she hadn’t said anything explicitly though.
I could never imagine myself now with kids and depending on a husband’s income. I don’t fit in it. I’m not criticizing the ones that fit also. I couldn’t handle being dependent on anyone. So, she should not blame herself or worry.
We are all vulnerable to getting in trouble, married or single. I can handle my solitude very well. I don’t believe in the traditional institution of marriage.
The couples I know where both have similar incomes and share expenses living together [ I know a few ] are people very different from the majority. And they are not in a traditional marriage. None have kids also, that’s another big difference. Specially the guys in these couples I know are very intelligent guys, who don’t feel threatened by an intelligent and independent woman.
One of them is unemployed now, between jobs as he prefers 🙂 , and he is handling it very well.
I don’t care about relationship labels and status, if the guy is to be named my boyfriend or anything like that. I don’t care about how people label me: single, spinster, independent. I am what I am.
But I believe in love, in matching and sharing. Not everything is lost yet 🙂 .Anyway, I’m sure there are a few points out of the graphic curve and if I’m meant to match with someone it must be one of those :).