I am definitely not the kind of person born to live in complete isolation. By complete isolation I mean not seeing anybody in a long while.
Of course I need my moments of solitude and privacy, when I reflect about life [ maybe more than I should ] and practice meditation or simply relax.
These moments of solitude have always been precious for me all my life because I’ve always had a routine full of contact with other people. In the last weeks it has been the opposite.
I’m having a routine of total isolation, working home office during the day [due to poor management and stupid rules at the company, I don’t have a steady place to work at the office for a while], and having my sister with me in the week day nights. Most of these days she is the only person I see all day long. I got to my limit of isolation.
I have few but wonderful friends and fortunately I have people to share stuff. They visit me, we talk on the phone or MSN. That’s not what I miss.
I miss people noise and movement. Human contact. Anybody.
Yesterday I went to the manicure after work and I was finding everybody I saw on my way beautiful :). Everything looked nice to me.
Tonight I went out for dinner with a couple of friends. I told them I couldn’t stay one minute more without seeing people. We passed by many places before we finally decided where to stop. I know this couple since I was in the university and I like them very much but what was really amusing me was seeing all those people around. He is been in a situation very similar to mine. He’s looking for another job and spend the days at home looking for another job, sending his resumé on the internet, while she goes to the office. He is feeling very lonely during the day too. He doesn’t like the word unemployed and he says he is “between jobs”.
One thing I find positive in all of it is that I don’t identify myself with the complete isolation and I’m doing my best to get out of it.
One sad thing is that in those moments I think of someone who got away from me and see how my will of getting closer is so strong but I don’t see the way back anymore.
I don’t see this couple I met today very often but I decided to invite them to go out. It would be okay if they couldn’t or didn’t feel like. They are people I can always contact, the way between us is still there.
It’s very hard and sad when you think about making a contact to someone and then see the way between you two is not there anymore and the door is closed. I accept, I respect, but it hurts.
No, I’m not in a self-pity moment. That’s just the way life is.