Perceptions and Reality

Like everybody else, I create an image of people I know based on my perceptions, which is limited to what they say and do.

I’ve learned through my life experience that this image I create is not the reality of the person. It doesn’t change or affect this reality. Also how others perceive me doesn’t change or affect my own reality.

We tend to make conclusions about others but it doesn’t have any effect on how things really are.

Anyway, I’ve known many people in all these years and now I only socialize regularly with around 20 people at most. If I consider the ones I feel comfortable to share personal matters it falls to less than 10 people, including family.

I have a friend…I guess I can consider him like this…that I know for 2 years now. I’ve had special feelings for him all this time but nothing has ever happened between us. Though, in many occasions in all this time we know each other, he has said or done things that I perceived like he had special feelings for me too. In fact, those occasions were alternated with other with total distance and without showing any interest for me.

What I feel for him hasn’t changed. I could see it when we met recently. I make an effort to treat him as a normal friend but he is more than that for me.

As he is an easy going guy and has never invited me out or something like this, I never felt encouraged to make an approach. Then many things happened, there was another guy that invited me out a few times and I could just conclude: that’s what guys do when they are interested, right? 


I never force approaches with anyone. I stay as close as people allow me, if I also feel like of course.

I’ve never overcome it but it doesn’t cause me any problem anymore, I’ve learned how to deal with it. Though, I never felt like giving up on it completely. It’s something I just put aside to move on with my life. Despite of whatever future may still bring for it, I try not to make any conclusions about how and why he did or said things, since I don’t know his reality…and I’ll probably never know.


1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.
2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.
3. freedom from deceit or fraud.

Most of what causes me stress, discomfort and suffering comes from situations where I can’t be totally honest like I do with real friends, family and every people I feel comfortable with.
When I can’t say what’s obviously wrong at work. When I can’t say how someone else’s presence affects me and why. When I can’t tell why I disagree because I couldn’t handle the consequences at that moment or without causing more disturbance. When I can’t say how I feel and how and why someone else’s actions affect me.
It’s not that I fake anything…I don’t. It’s just that truth cannot be completely revealed sometimes.
I know everybody has to keep many things for his/her own but it’s never easy.
It’s so good being honest and accepted. I wish I could be with everybody everywhere…


“If you had really hurt me [as you did] …I couldn’t react coldly, but with anger and sadness…or both at the same time…I wouldn’t have enough pride to keep myself still, cold and distant. But we will see…or maybe not.”

– piece of a letter from Simone de Beauvoir for Sartre –

Fighting for it or fighting hope?

Today a friend e-mailed me telling how she got her heart in a thousand pieces after running across her ex-boyfriend at a restaurant. She said he was polite and nice but she knew for sure there’s no way back with him.

I answered her e-mail telling her that I wish she can overcome it soon. I told her to remember all good things she lived in life before she even knew he existed and that there’s always good things to come in life. I know that expressing what she feels, writing about it, it’s much more helpful than any advice someone could give her.

Then I started thinking about my own situation, which I haven’t overcome. I’m not even trying indeed. I just got used to it.  Also, I’m not in pain about it like my friend. Why? Because there’s a tiny little hope still alive. And I think it’s much easier, no matter how painful, to overcome anything when you don’t have any more hope. At least for me it is. Even a remote hope can make me think there’s still something to fight for.

I know this friend for many years now. We were co-workers a few years ago and now I sometimes visit her but we communicate most on the phone and through e-mails. We remain very close, always supporting each other. Today she helped me much more than she could wonder and that I wish I could help her. She made me see what doesn’t allow me to overcome: hope.