Hurt Pride

Hurt pride is a poison. I’d like to get rid of mine if I could.

At many times it happened to me to have a first impulse of doing something simple and spontaneous, like a comment, an invitation and there came my hurt pride slithering through my thoughts and “warning”: “Hey, remember what you got that time when you did it” or something like that.

It’s horrible. It seems reasonable but it’s not. People change, situations change, attitudes change. Maybe it would be good this time. But once it “warns” it’s impossible to act naturally and go on following impulses. And I give up.

Why I can deal with risks in practical matters, when I have no guarantees at all,  in a positive way and can’t deal with emotional risks?

And it’s not only hurt pride. Sometimes I tell close friends about something that occured me to do and how I gave up and they say: “You did well, it wouldn’t be good.” Why? How could I or anybody else know about it for sure?

Like another friend told me during our cigarette break: “The game of Love”. I agree it’s a game but it’s never about Love. It’s about fear, a bit of evil,  and pride. So the player decides NOT to do something NOT to show how he feels. That’s stupid. I’m stupid when I decide NOT TO DO something that came up spontaneously.

I’m not but I’d like to become able to restart situations with people. Not to repeat past situations, what is gone is gone,  but to face new ones from zero, without any negative feelings that come from the past, like hurt pride,  influencing me.

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