When I want something [in the most generic way] no something else can take its place. No way.
And when I can’t have something for sure I refuse consolation prizes. I can accept the loss, I can get over it, even if it takes me years, but there’s nothing in the world that can make it look like a good thing to me. It’s a bad thing, and it happens to everyone. Just it.
When something is lost to me I try not to focus on it, on the sadness and frustration it brings. I try to do other things I like since I can’t fix it. But each thing has its place in my life and none can replace the other. New things always come…new friends, new places, new happy and sad moments.
Last night I went to the movies with a friend [we’re just friends] and after we met a couple he knows and took a few drinks. We had a nice time talking. But my closest friends say [with best intentions I’m sure] : “That’s good for you! Then you don’t stay home alone and sad thinking about XXXXX”.
I don’t say anything but I disagree. It’s good for me to have a new friend who I can go out with but he is a new person I got to know. He is not a consolation prize. He has nothing to do with the sadness and frustration that the XXXXX’s matters bring me.
Then today other group of friends from work invited me to go out. They are going to a night club, one of those hip places where there’s someone “filtering” people at the entrance by the way they look. I hate such places. I’ve gone to a lot of them in the past but now it’s not the kind of place I feel like going. I like going to places where I can listen and talk with people. Or some alternative places, dark lightened and with alternative music. I refused and a friend said: “You should go. You’ll never meet a new guy and forget XXXXX if you stay home.”
I didn’t want to argue and I know she had the best intention. I just refused and said I’m tired from last night cause I slept only a few hours, which is also true.
But it’s not about it. I don’t believe in “searching for a new guy”, not for me. I’m not searching anyone new. And I know if I have to meet someone new it will happen naturally, maybe even in one of my walks on the neighborhood. And I believe that forgetting someone is a process that is not up to being alone at home or surrounded by people. If I have to forget, I will. If not, I won’t. I’m not trying to forget or searching for anyone. I’m just letting things go…or better letting things take me. Doing what I want, what I like and what I have to, aware that nothing else can interfere with the place this situation takes in my life.