Captivation

What makes someone to captivate us?
I was thinking about it and discussing it with my friend on the phone.
For me it happens when I discover something in the very essence of the person that conquers me
and makes me feel that the way this person thinks and does things will always have my admiration.
And it makes me feel like I can accept this person entirely, with all the imperfections we all have.
For me this is the basis and other things come inevitably like desire, physical attraction, love.
It’s possible to find other interesting people and allow myself to have good moments with them.
But I know what captivation means. It’s very powerful. It speaks in silence and inaction.
But sometimes this captivation happens only in one side, or the other has some issues that are not up to me to solve or don’t concern to me directly.
This friend I was talking to knows me a lot and she thinks I do too much mental processing about it.
I think she may be right. She herself admits to do it a lot with her issues too.
Despite of being aware of the feeling I have I should treat this matter in a practical way like I do in other situations with other interesting people I mentioned. Consider what is done or said for real only and stop thinking of what can be behind something not clearly and undoubtedly spoken or done.
It’s much easier when I’m not that much into the other side. Things flow easily.
I agree with her that most of people don’t spend time with all this mental processing like we do and deal with this matters, already complex by nature, in a more practical way.
I don’t wanna stop this mental processing. I just need to control it more and develop this practical dealing with things and situations better.
But one thing is true: we all search for this captivation feeling and hope it can be mutual. And once you have it, despite of not being mutual, it’s really difficult to let it go.

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2 Comments »

  1. Miki Said:

    Bom Dia, Mimulus!

    What a great and intelligent post again! You must know, I REALLY love to read them, they simply CAPTIVATE me! I never met somebody who is able to make such a clear and fundamental analysis of all these processes. I beg you, don’t stop, and don’t stop to share them with us. They are what makes you so unique, and surely not only for me. I am sure you have other qualities than these which make you unique too, but your words are the only thing I have got from you to understand and appreciate you.

    I do not have the feeling that you analyse too much, but of course it depends what you do with the results of this analyse. If it paralyses you in practical life, if it brakes too much your spontaneity, then yes, it might be too much.
    But in any case I would not say that you do too much mental processing, just that you have to learn to deal with them.

    And of course you are right. I need to be captivated to love somebody, and this does not happen often! I don’t care how beautiful, intelligent, rich, funny, whatever a man is. If he doesn’t captivate me, I can’t love him.

    Kevin has captivated me from the very first moment, first with his words (The first contact was a mail of congratulation concerning my paintings), then with his laugh (next step on the phone!), and later on, when we met, it has been a continuous increase of this captivation feeling. I discover everyday new aspects of his personality, which have the effect, incessantly, to make me shake my head and ask:
    “What a guy! How can such a guy exist!!!”
    He is simply so different from anybody i have ever met in my life… could be from Mars, my Kevin!
    And this is captivation… this is the most beautiful state I know. This makes me feel so alive!

    I have no experience with non mutual captivation, I guess it could be hart… we all human search for reciprocity somehow, don’t we?

    I wish you a wonderful day, you wonderfully “mental” girl! -:)

  2. mimulus Said:

    Hello, Miki, boa tarde!
    Thanks for your comment and lovely words!
    It’s wonderful what you and Kevin share! I can tell this by the way you write about each other in your blogs.
    I do believe in such a thing and I’ve hardly found it among the couples I know.
    I learned to deal with my situation without getting hurt anymore.
    Though it’s so complex I couldn’t explain it here. Hurtful feelings don’t come from captivation itself I guess, but as I feel everything at the same time I had to learn to separate them from it. It’s a learning process and tells me a lot about myself.
    And I think all this mental processing I’m used to doesn’t let me be captivated easily by any man, because I end up observing things other women usually don’t or if they notice they don’t care. Little things that mean a lot for me. But when it happens it is really hard to let go without being a hundred percent sure it is not possible.
    I’m shy and not much into action which makes it difficult too.
    Yes, we all search for it but we are not ready and open for it our entire life. There are times we’re just not open for it for some reasons.
    The complex human beings we are 🙂 .
    Au revoir. Merci beaucoup !


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