I’ve felt on my skin these last times how difficult it is not to do something than doing it.
It’s really difficult remaining silent or saying casual stuff when you have so much else you’d like to say.
Inaction takes more effort than action would take. It’s not a matter of effort, it’s about how disastrous it could be if any action would take place.
And I’m not thinking about me when I avoid acting disastrous. I feel like I don’t have the right to do it and inaction, even though very challenging, seems to be the best choice.
Lao-Tzu stated:
The Tao abides in non-action,
but leaves nothing undone.
If rulers observed this,
Then several things would develop naturally.
If they still wished to act,
They would act to return
to the simplicity of formlessness.
Without form there is no desire.
Without desire there is calm.
Thus all things would be at peace.
I’m not taoist [just like to read about it though I don’t know I understand it completely] and in my case I have no internal balance about the matter I mentioned.
I just don’t want to unbalance things outside too.
House of Déia - Based on a true story 
How I agree with you!
when I witness how badly my father is treating my mother (who is an angel,and does everything for him!), I would need to scream him the truth, how I hate him in these moments! But I have to keep silence, because if I did, it is my mother who would earn the consequences, and it would be even worst for her…
It is a nightmare situation for me, and the result is that I many times avoid to visit my parents because of that, which is awful, because they are quite old, and who knows how long they will be around still…
The worst being that i don’t see any solution to this problem. neither for my mother nor for my father nor for me…
Yes, Miki, it’s really terrible not to do or say something when you urge for it. Specially, whatever the situation is, if it could cause disturbance to other people you love.
It’s difficult to say something to you about your parents. If you have space to talk to your father alone you could try to talk about it in a calm way, without seeming judgmental. Try to ask him if he knows how your mother feels when he treats her that way and if he cares. I hope you find a way. You know them better, you’re the best one to do it.
In these situations the silence make us look peaceful outside but only we know the turmoil we’ve been inside ourselves.
The difficult is to find what action could bring a relief for it without causing more trouble.
Até mais, abraços 🙂
Bom dia!
Yes, this is exactly how you describe it. And you are surely right how I could approach the problem… only, the problem is so old, as old as I can think, and I haven’t the strength to really affront it. I tried it once in the past and he threw me out of the house. Of course, he regretted it awfully later, and I came only back for my mother.
My mother has adopted a very simple, almost philosophical attitude: she closes her ears to him! An when he become really too terrible, she screams at him 5 minutes, and he becomes very small, and and doesn’t say one word… until the next day!
But anyway, I don;t know how she does it, having to bear with him all the time, but with her 83 years soon, she has still the soul of a child and she laughs like a child! I love her immensely!
Thanks for your lovely words
Abracos
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Olá, Miki!
I’m sure by what you’ve told me that your mother learned how to deal with it without letting it affect her that much.
And if the 5 minute screaming still works that’s a good sign. Specially if she keeps a light joyful soul like you’ve said.
Maybe there isn’t much you can do about it.
Sometimes we see through others attitudes what we can’t stand and what we don’t want for us, but each one is responsible for his own life.
I’m a little like your mother. If someone I love hurts me I don’t react immediately saying hurtful words in return. This is not my way. But I sure stand for myself later when I can answer without anger, if it’s still worth the relationship. If it’s not worth I just get away.
What is very curious is that if someone I don’t feel any affection for treats me bad I answer immediately, because I see no reason to treat that person well.
My parents are advanced in age too and they are lovely. I’ve had a few that I call “Chuck Norris reactions” to defend them too. I’m not the screaming type but I’m able of very strong reactions in those cases.
Just make sure your mother know you can stand up for her if she needs.
Keep in touch, abraços,
P.S.: I only removed my name from your comment 🙂 . I still don’t make it public among my acquaintances 🙂 . Don’t worry, that’s okay.