Captivation

What makes someone to captivate us?
I was thinking about it and discussing it with my friend on the phone.
For me it happens when I discover something in the very essence of the person that conquers me
and makes me feel that the way this person thinks and does things will always have my admiration.
And it makes me feel like I can accept this person entirely, with all the imperfections we all have.
For me this is the basis and other things come inevitably like desire, physical attraction, love.
It’s possible to find other interesting people and allow myself to have good moments with them.
But I know what captivation means. It’s very powerful. It speaks in silence and inaction.
But sometimes this captivation happens only in one side, or the other has some issues that are not up to me to solve or don’t concern to me directly.
This friend I was talking to knows me a lot and she thinks I do too much mental processing about it.
I think she may be right. She herself admits to do it a lot with her issues too.
Despite of being aware of the feeling I have I should treat this matter in a practical way like I do in other situations with other interesting people I mentioned. Consider what is done or said for real only and stop thinking of what can be behind something not clearly and undoubtedly spoken or done.
It’s much easier when I’m not that much into the other side. Things flow easily.
I agree with her that most of people don’t spend time with all this mental processing like we do and deal with this matters, already complex by nature, in a more practical way.
I don’t wanna stop this mental processing. I just need to control it more and develop this practical dealing with things and situations better.
But one thing is true: we all search for this captivation feeling and hope it can be mutual. And once you have it, despite of not being mutual, it’s really difficult to let it go.

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Inaction

I’ve felt on my skin these last times how difficult it is not to do something than doing it.

It’s really difficult remaining silent or saying casual stuff when you have so much else you’d like to say.

Inaction takes more effort than action would take. It’s not a matter of effort, it’s about how disastrous it could be if any action would take place.

And I’m not thinking about me when I avoid acting disastrous. I feel like I don’t have the right to do it and inaction, even though very challenging, seems to be the best choice.

Lao-Tzu stated:

The Tao abides in non-action,
but leaves nothing undone.
If rulers observed this,
Then several things would develop naturally.
If they still wished to act,
They would act to return
to the simplicity of formlessness.
Without form there is no desire.
Without desire there is calm.
Thus all things would be at peace.

I’m not taoist [just like to read about it though I don’t know I understand it completely] and in my case I have no internal balance about the matter I mentioned.

I just don’t want to unbalance things outside too.

Intuition

At many times we have intuitive thoughts, the kind that originates from deep inside and can’t be prevented by any external influence, related to a new idea or something that is happening to us, and then we abandon them based on our mental processes and external impressions. Then later these thoughts are proved to be right and thrown to our faces inevitably.

It happened to me many times as I’m a very intuitive person, though I sometimes give more consideration than I should to my mental processes and external impressions, which turns me to the wrong directions.

Lately  I’ve had a very strong thought that came intuitively. It didn’t come based on anything external or fact. It just came to my mind and remained. Despite of everything external to be indicating the opposite to happen I feel it very strong, which scares me a bit, it’s a good thought though.

If I live [ which I expect 🙂 ] I’ll see.

Time, changes and states

We all give so much importance to time, more than we should I guess.

Things change all the time and the most important is the final state we reach after each change, how it affects us.

I mean by state our condition as human beings in an individual level.

At the end, the most important will be the states we’ve been through, that can never be forgotten, and not when exactly we’ve been through them or how long did they last. The most important is HOW we got to a state and HOW we deal with it.

Of course many of us are stuck to schedules and deadlines due to work reasons, but we should not bring it to personal level. That’s not how it works.

I think that what makes us feel like we’ve lost time or time is going slowly is the sensation that nothing changed and when the final state we reach is the same as the one from the beginning after some time, or when we’ve been through states that makes us feel bad. And when we feel that time is running fast is because we’ve been through too many different states in a short time, specially the ones that make us feel good.  

I think we should worry about the states we wanna reach and not set deadlines for them. One thing may take months for someone and years for somebody else. We don’t have all the same timing.

Time goes by and life ends for everyone. But we shouldn’t focus on it. We’ll be spending time if we don’t focus on the states we wanna reach.