Monsieur Lazhar

A Separation

Footnote

In Darkness

Sometimes we only notice we’ve crossed the line when we are already on the other side.

Of course by then it’s too late.

1. sapiosexual – One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature.

Source: Urban Dictionary

Jealousy is usually triggered by what the person considers a threaten of loss.

It’s a feeling of abandonment due to the partner’s attention being given to someone else.

The threaten may or may not be realistic as the person feels that.

Most of people I know confront their partners with questions and forbid them to do things.

Everybody feels that at a certain level.

I wouldn’t confront a partner about things that made me jealous.

I don’t think that’s the smart thing to do.

What the jealous person really wants cannot be achieved through forbidding the partner to do certain things.

What the jealous person really wants is the partner to stop wanting to do certain things.  And that doesn’t come through forbidden actions.

The partner may respond to the claim and stop doing but what if the partner still wants to do?

He will probably not share his feelings to avoid problems.

We can’t stop someone else desires just by wishing that no matter what.

All I know is that if I had a suspicion, not a real undeniable fact, I’d not confront my partner.

I’d instead analyze carefully how is the communication in the relationship.

What stopped working that worked well before? And would mostly analyze my actions first.

Would find out what in myself triggered the jealousy feeling.

If there’s a problem in the communication it must be resolved between the couple, at their perspective as a couple.

Not from a suspicious or third part perspective.

Nothing can be resolved on the outside or with someone else if it’s not resolved within us before.

Phone ringing.

- Hello.

- If you are “person’s name”  press 1. If you are not “person’s name”  but  you know this person press 2.

- If you are not this person neither know her press 3 and disregard this message.

Hang up. Just happened to me.

Today I have made a wish list.

It has 10 items.

Then I realized it all can be expressed in one single wish: A PEACEFUL, PLENTY, USEFUL AND MORE INTERESTING LIFE.

Today has a specially cold wind blowing and while my late lunch cooked I went downstairs to get some sunlight and get warmed up.

There had been a few months since I stopped buying bread.

I replaced them by whole wheat toasts, but this morning I decided to get some brown bread home, along with some turkey breast slices and cheese, to vary a bit.

Few minutes after I put the chair under sunlight one of my neighbors came up and we started talking.

As we were talking a man appeared at the entrance saying “Food, food. I want food.”

He was obviously homeless and didn’t have any bad smell but his feet and hands looked very dirty.

He appeared to be in his sixties. Very skinny and weak. With his trembling body he asked for food.

My neighbor said “Only in the restaurant. I don’t have any now.”

It was probably true because he lives alone like me and orders food most of the time.

Then the man started asking for coffee: “Coffee, I want coffee.”

I said: “I don’t have any food prepared but I can make you a sandwich and coffee. Wait here, please.”

As I came upstairs I went to the window to check if he was waiting and shouted “Sir, hang on there, please.”

I quickly made a cup of coffee and a sandwich, which would not be possible yesterday when I wouldn’t have anything to offer but some fruits.

I was glad I could give him that at least but my heart broke as I delivered it to his hands. I also gave him a little money.

I asked him how long he’s been living on the streets. He said “20 years.” I said goodbye and came back to my apartment to check on my lunch cooking.

It reminded me of one episode of that NatGeo serie, the one that showed tribesmen from Tanna [Pacific]  staying with families in big cities in UK and US.

In that episode they went out with the family and saw many homeless people.

It was an ackward and embarassing moment because one of the tribesmen said  “How do you leave them like that, homeless and hungry on the streets? In Tanna if someone doesn’t have where to live we help and build a house for them.” There was an uncomfortable silence and the host tried to explain it to the tribesman who asked.

Of course in their primitive way of living it’s easier to provide for someone in need what is necessary to live.

But why, how and when the so called civilization lost the ability to promptly help someone in need?

When did it become so difficult to do? Probably when money started being used.

We can’t just bring somebody home to live with us. It’s not safe. Everybody knows that.

But I see it’s more than that. I saw other people in the building on the other side of the street. Nobody made a move to help the man.

If at least we all could give the possible help at the moment we find someone like that it would help already.

Most of people don’t even care anymore and prefer not to think about it. It’s probably uncomfortable for them.

I know many others donate regularly to NGOs and directly to the people they find in need.

I see a lack of compassion in general, not only toward those homeless but even with people we know.

Compassion is what good actions are made of.

It’s necessary to cultivate it so it will give us better ideas of how to really help.

I strongly believe that no matter how difficult one’s situation might be, it’s always possible to improve it with the right mindset.

Not everybody has that strength to do it, specially the ones in so much need, so true generosity and compassion are always welcome, but very hard to find nowadays.

Remember anything counts. Anything possible to do at the moment. Even if you have to interrupt your sunbath for a few minutes.

One of the best things I’ve watched in my entire life.

more here

Good and bad people make mistakes. The difference is that good people don’t plan to harm anyone and usually care about the consequences of their acts.

What harms most is not the act itself but the lack of consideration.

Sometimes is not possible to repair but real good people demonstrate some concern about that or try to offer some compensation.

Even the people that are close to us,  like friends and family,  can harm us in different forms. We overcome much easier when we know that those people care about what they do and come to us to fix the situation, one way or another.

But in some cases you may have someone in great consideration and find out the worst way that the person doesn’t really consider you as you might have thought.  And then, at least for me, it’s not possible to repair anything. For me that person becomes a turned page in the book of life. Forever.

I have a friend who says “The worst you can give to someone who has harmed you in the past is indifference”.

I am not so sure about that, specially because if someone didn’t care enough of you to harm you in the past, that person will probably not care at all about your feelings or indifference now.

I prefer looking at that in the reverse way.

For me, the best thing I can feel in such cases is indifference.

Not indifference as something to give back as a revenge, but genuine and spontaneous indifference that comes when  by any chance you get in touch with that person again. The one that comes to you as natural as breathing.

That is the real sign of overcoming the situation. When you feel that for having any friendly contact with that person you would have to fake it really hard if necessary.

The real indifference is the absence of any feeling or emotional attachment to that person or the situation in the past.

I think it’s a great thing because it means that any negative feelings like anger or disappointment have gone. It’s not a negative or positive feeling for me, but neutral.

That is the big deal for me and not how or if the other person will one day ever notice my indifference.