Mimulus

I’m older than it feels like and I’ve done a lot of things nobody would think so, given their usual comments about me.

When last month I had to take my vacation days for legal reasons [in Brazil you can't accumulate 2 vacation periods] I got very angry. I couldn’t really take the days off, only “officially”, but I was at work.

Now, I’m gonna take them in the next days and I need them more than ever. I need a break to recover my peace of mind. One of those bad things that come for good reasons . I’ll try not to complain of the next thing I dislike, I swear.

I ain’t planning to travel, it’s only two weeks. Though, I’m planning a few cool stuff to do. I’ll take a balloon flight with some ex-coworkers. And I’ll get my tattoos done finally [ I know it hurts, but life hurts more sometimes ].

About the balloon flight, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for years. I finally got an opportunity. I hope I return to publish a few pictures of the flight here . And also of the tattoos. Why not? I think someone would unlikely relate this blog to me.

We had a recent case of a priest who took a bunch of balloons [yeah, it's not an urban legend, a bunch of party balloons] and took off. The weather wasn’t appropriate for it [ is there any appropriate weather to fly using party balloons? ]…anyway, no need to say he disappeared…he was found months later very far from his departure, by the crew of an oil platform….tsc…tsc…so stupid and sad.

I’m a little tired of the jokes people are making about my balloon flight [it's a real balloon] and the priest’s: “Are you gonna take the priest’s ride?”. Me: [grin] [sigh]

Let’s see if I return to tell about it.

I want nothing but the love of the next stranger who
walks through that door

I want nothing but to dissolve in the night and to feel
direction no more

I want nothing but to cut away until I find the core

The sound is low .

It’s not my favorite kind of music but they always have some lyrics, even in short songs like this, that fit me.

My birthday is in July. Some people [friends, relatives, acquaintances] who remember it’s in July but not the exact day have contacted me to congratulate me and give me their best wishes.

I don’t like birthdays. Anyway, it’s good to be remembered. I love my friends and family.

Though, the thing I want more now nobody has wished to me.

I wish I could disappear for a long while. Stop contact with everybody I love [friends, family, etc] and travel somewhere far, far away, where nobody could find me. Some place where I don’t know anybody and nobody knows me. Some place I can’t even read the signs, a totally different language. Then I could experience what real freedom is. There’s no real freedom while heart is stuck and involved to other people. I wouldn’t stay there forever. Maybe a year would be enough or even too long, I don’t know. It’s something I’ve never experienced in my life and I wish I could go for it right now. Just me. On my own.

Maybe in the near future. Maybe.

Sometimes I can’t do what I want or what I’m able to. And I accept that other people also can’t.

Music for how I feel

I only know that your the one that always makes me feel it
It’s nothing that you do or say it’s just the way you are

If I could bottle what you got then life would be too perfect
I’ll take it as it comes, any way you choose to give it

Any way you choose to give it is sincerely a pleasure of mine
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine

Nice sound!

http://www.myspace.com/thebpa

Talking about curiosity, as I’m used to avoiding to ask what might have an embarrassing answer I deal with it well, except for one case, one thing that probably has a very embarrassing disturbing answer, something I’ve been wondering for a looonnggg time, but I never had the ovaries to ask .

Well, curiosity killed the cat…that is smarter than me…so…

I believe that most of my close friends would not consider me a friend if I were not a very discreet person.

I never ask questions motivated only by curiosity, even when I’m curious. I never make comments on something I notice to be going on unless it can help, and when I do it’s in a very reserved way.

Unfortunately at work and in social occasions I sometimes have to deal with people who make embarrassing comments. I usually answer it with another question like “Why do you want to know?” or “Why did you say that?”, which sometimes is not enough.

I have a co-worker who I also meet in social occasions with other co-workers. She is funny, nice and helpful but she has this gossip side that I hate. I know about it and I avoid discussing any personal matter with her and try to change subject if she mentions somebody else’s life.

A few days ago she put me in a horrible situation making a comment out loud, which she started with: “I found out your secret”, which caught everybody around attention. I haven’t said anything about it with her because I think it can get even worse. I tried to keep a blasé attitude about it.

I didn’t deny or confirm anything. I don’t have to.

At these times I totally understand those people who don’t talk to anybody. They must have met someone like her in their lives.